What’s it like to be on a sabbatical? A career break? An adult gap year? I’m now four months in, and it’s been calm, it’s been wild, it’s been … different. I didn’t think I’d be so busy when I’m supposed to be taking a “break”. I should have expected that life continues to move along its course, even if I put my “career” on hold. For the past two decades, life and work have been so intertwined, that I imagined taking a career break was like hitting a pause on everything. But of course, life comes in like the tide, always coming and going.
Here are some of the highlights:
Marrying my Partner
A serious, well-thought out decision to get married is as big as it can get, life-wise.** After I left my professorship, we spent a good portion of my break planning our ceremony. Our ceremony was a very intimate affair, witnessed only by a couple of friends, and a few members of our families. Our two lives span the seas, so we also had a handful of loved ones on zoom.
When I was young, I was hungry for adventure – I was ready for that life of constant movement. I moved apartments and cities every couple of years since I left home for university. I think we all function best when we have support – in the workplace, from our social groups, in our home life, and even from society at large. It was unfortunate that that wasn’t my experience in my last position in academia. I’m weeks shy of 40 too, and I’m at a stage in life where I’m ready to finally release my anchor. When my then-fiance and I flew home for the holidays and for our wedding, we were reminded of how much love there was around us. When we live so far from home, it’s easy to think that we’re all alone. I never want to lose sight of that again.
How I experience time: quality and quantity
Now that I am almost in total control of what I do with my time, I find myself needing much more of it. I did not expect how busy I would feel on “break”!! I’ve started projects big and small, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, ruminating, and not really a lot of bumming around as I thought I would. (I am sooo hungry for surfing!!)
I learned that I need to mindfully take control of my time. The first few weeks, I was simply reacting to whatever came my way. But my days turned out better when I had a rough plan, when I scheduled my activities and set actionable deadlines. Self-discipline is a muscle that constantly needs training. It can be tough.
For my relationships, I have had a handful of friends and family visit me in Japan the past few months. It was a thrill to share my life here in a way that wasn’t hurried or squeezed between a tight schedule. I also made new connections with people who live and work in places and industries that I otherwise would not have come across.
My husband and I also spent over a month on holiday, including quarantining together, meeting each other’s family and friends, and integrating our lives together. We spent meaningful time with our elderly parents, which was one of the highlights of our time home.
While home, my mother had to be taken to the hospital for an infection. She has been in and out of hospitals for the past few years, and it’s extremely difficult for me to explain how helpless it feels to be so far away every time this happened. Luckily, she was asymptomatic. And lucky for me, I was able to be there for her, I could run errands for her, and I witnessed and truly understood the amount of care that she now needs.
Worries and Anxieties
The picture wouldn’t be complete without sharing the dark side of this time too. I miss having a regular stream of income – for the moment, I solely rely on my small businesses and my Career Break Fund; some months are lean and some months are A-ok.
These days, time became such a precious resource that I feel like there’s not enough of it to do everything I want. I want to experience so many things – but there’s only so much I can do in a day, a week, a month..
Carpe Diem
I talked to a good friend who’s taking her own career break like me. She reminded me to stop listening to all the noise — all the invisible pressure that we were taught to put on ourselves. The noise that tells us we have to accomplish this, or earn that or just what we should “be” at any given time in our lives. As for my husband, I appreciate him saying that from where he’s standing, a break is terribly short compared to the rest of our lives. He wishes I would seize it, enjoy it, take all that I need to rest and be happy — because after all, everyone needs a break.
Thanks for reading until the end, checking in from time to time. I appreciate you,
-Jess
** I recognize this privilege, being fully aware that marriage is not a possibility for everyone, everywhere. For me and my partner, marriage is a choice we made, to be recognized as family, and is a necessary step to be geographically together.
Jess is on Break 